Random things I want to remember. Things people have said to me, things I’ve said to others, things I’ve read or seen or heard that made me believe, made me cry, made me gasp in awe. Gulab is my grandmother’s birthname, the letters are to her loosely. I hold it all loosely until the need comes to hold more tightly.
“Your gut microbiome is passed down through mother’s lineage.”
“You are kneeling at the altar of it” (it = your life, your grief, your loneliness, your love)
“The expansion that comes from that amount of grief is also expanding your capacity for joy.”
“Some people go to the gym and have beautiful muscled bodies from working out. I work out in the spiritual sense. I practice looking at what seems hard. Sitting with grief.”
“You can not sweat the small stuff anymore. Bc you are feeling pain at a deeper level than that. That’s what happens when you sit with the grief as long as it calls you to.”
“You have to witness endings to understand all of what came before. They are like the final chapter of a book or scene of a movie. You need that context.”
“Watch all of Pedro Almodóvar’s movies, they are like what you described with not understanding your parents’ relationship until witnessing your dad’s death, how you could not begin to perceive of their relationship until you saw the end of it. His movies are like that.”
“I love you. I’m so sorry. How can I help repair this hurt you feel.”
“Your intimacy, your vulnerability shared with others is a gift.”
“Shilpa Gupta art. Omg Gulab. You would love it.”
“When I met Y, they were still with Z. I was in the room with them and 1-2 other members of our trusted community when I realized it was happening, the breakup was happening. I immediately assumed a position of prayer. For the next two years that breakup took place in community. Sometimes with me and Z and Y all together in tears, conversation, struggle. Other members of our trusted community held Z and all of us during this transition. We all worked together, so we would also see each other at times.”
“you guys are consciously uncoupling though, right?”
Under the stars in (insert pastoral American vista) I’m a spiteful bitch I’m a talkback bitch I’m a sometimes hurt your feelings bitch I’m a self hating bitch I’m a kinda hate you bitch I’m a you will know how I fucking feel bitch I’m a feel shitty on vacation bitch I’m a question the whole enterprise bitch I’m a fuck married people bitch I’m a fuck white supremacy bitch I’m a not here for the quota bitch
(and I’m the most loving awe-struck bitch. All can coexist at once, said a Gemini to the world who only needed to say the thing to be free)
“Please back up, sir. I was raised by a Gemini mom so I don’t play.” (As heard on tiktok)
“Drawings made from banned marijuana growing in the vicinity of a check post along the India-Bangladesh border” (Shilpa Gupta)
“Speak, your life is still your own. Speak, this little time is plenty. Before the death of body and tongue. Speak, for truth is still alive. Speak, say whatever is to be said.” -Faiz Ahmad Faiz
“One night, they emptied the clouds from my eyes.” - Cahit Irgat
“Without revolution, there can be no proper peace.” -siddhicharan shreshtha
“But somehow tenderness survives.” -Dennis Brutus
The rush of devils Has started again True love Is in the hug of the sun. -Abdul Qadim
If you want love Until the end You must accept What is not accepted Welcome hardship With joy Eat poison But call it honey Rabi’A Balkhi
“In 18th-century India, for instance, a Persian could declare himself as from more than one place, a devoted student/disciple of a learned Sufi scholar (along with other Muslim students), a scribe in Hyderabadi state administration, and from a Hindu natal lineage defined primarily through its mastery of Persianate adab.”1
“…the ways you have posited alternative ways of being in relationship with others (dare I even say love each other) by looking past a colonialist mindset of “what can you do for me?” to the Persian concept of adab which perhaps can direct us to ask “how am I responsible to you?”
“How Deathwork Allows us to See Beyond Borders: The Importance of Griefwork in Breaking Free of Colonial and Nationalist Thinking.”
Forever yours,
R
https://aeon.co/essays/when-persian-belonging-was-a-generous-cosmopolitan-belonging