I’m fine with admitting to you I’m deep into Bridgerton Season 2. Either I’m the last one to watch or I arrived just in time to the party. I can’t advise you either way on how to spend your time, but the show has reminded me that if you are going to make something a bit trashy and beautiful, be unapologetic about it.1
I won’t be spoiling anything for you here if I say in the show the well-to-do of the “ton” engage in lots of gossiping, going to balls, wringing their hands over marriage prospects, and also walk the promenade.
Curious about the history of both the word and the term ‘promenade’, I found out some things.
It derived from the French promener (to walk), and was associated with walking as a leisure activity….
“Promenade” notably did not refer to the entire space encompassed by an urban public space. Instead, it designated a prominent walk or avenue within its boundaries. Shade trees, passage of sufficient breadth, and a resilient surface made these walks suitable for promenading. This form of social exercise was connected intimately with the rituals of fashionable display and decorous interaction. Respectable women were frequent patrons of promenades because of social conventions limiting where they could take exercise and seek entertainment.2
The word prom is a shortening of promenade, a term of French origin that was used as early as the 16th century to mean a leisurely walk, as well as (in later years) the public space in which this kind of walk can take place. By the early 19th century, promenade had begun to be used as a shortening of its own, standing in for compounds like promenade deck, of the kind aboard passenger ships, and promenade concert, a concert space without seating.3
On a recent episode of the show, a respectable well-loved family has taken a massive recent blow to their status in the ton, and the matriarch declares that the family will join together as a unit and go promenade one day, as a show of unity and strength.
I’m thinking about my own version of the promenade living in Brooklyn, how in a sense you can’t really love this place without loving some version of the act. The people-watching, the getting dressed, the leaving your small dwelling to see more, then seeing all of it, glorious, messy, brilliant, alive. During the early pandemic, we all but almost lost it, but little by little we found ways to promenade. Those bike rides to Prospect Park were a kind of seeing and being seen. We made eye contact as we rode by, as we walked by. We assured each other that we were all still here. We wore our cute clothes, brushed up a bit, and went out.
Having a dog in Brooklyn can force you to do a kind of promenade each day whether you like it or not. You can change up your routes, mask up, hide yourself pretty well in the winter gear, but you will likely be seen. You will likely have to make small talk, and likely be charmed by some adorable animal that you meet, whether or not you wanted it, you rise up to the ritual. Sometimes in fact the ritual saves you. I got a puppy right at the start of all of the things in my life dying in late 2018 and continued walking outside throughout all of it, twice a day with my dog, through pandemic, moves, deaths. You promenade throughout all of it until you are no longer performing, you are just walking where you meant to go.
Maybe this is also why we protest. To be reminded of something more than what our small devices tell us. To be seen. To see others. To promenade loudly through the act of trying to love until we can love again. We grieve and love simultaneously in protest, don’t we?
This week has been a lot. Unfortunately my spirit was suffering before the news of Roe v. Wade being overturned hit the news, so I have rolled over this news like a slug slowly moving over some new slime. It’s in me. I’ve yet to absorb what it means. I don’t feel surprised by what people do because of fear and power anymore unfortunately. But I also have a deep undying devotion to the spiritual practice of never being crushed. It’s not really a choice or an always positive trait. I can creep freakishly close to self-destruction while I’m making sure I don’t get crushed… it’s a whole thing. Maybe trauma-informed, maybe liberation-informed. Who can say? It’s something I’ve come to accept so that it can be tempered and adorned with other qualities I need.
Maybe we go on the streets to be accountable to each other. To be accountable to more than just ourselves. We look into each other’s eyes to be reminded of why we love in community instead of isolation.
In thinking about changes, shifts and movements.. I’m reading Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown and it really feels like a gift and an old friend all at once. They share these principles of emergent strategy that seem to fit right in here while I’m thinking about change, community, and small acts of devotion. An offering from amb:
Small is good, small is all. (The large is a reflection of the small.)
Change is constant. (Be like water).
There is always enough time for the right work.
There is a conversation in the room that only these people at this moment can have. Find it.
Never a failure, always a lesson.
Trust the People. (If you trust the people, they become trustworthy).
Move at the speed of trust. Focus on critical connections more than critical mass - build the resilience by building the relationships.
Less prep, more presence.
What you pay attention to grows.
It’s been a minute since I tried to regularly write on here. And I’m thinking about a regular practice of public writing. To hold myself accountable, to pay attention. I need this space to do so. So I will be here perhaps not every day. But more regularly.
These are some things I am doing or plan to do:
I plan to write my truth, perhaps a bit vulgar, perhaps a bit beautiful. Unapologetically. Always in service of experimentation. A bit of a more regular promenade in front of you.
I will continue hosting these death cafes for BIPOC/PGM4 folks on the first Thursdays of each month with Eliana Yoneda. Here is a link to sign up if you would like to join us tomorrow, there is still room. There is much to grieve this week. There is still so much to love within that grief. Explore it in community with us if that feels right.
I continue to see and center my deathwork and clients. In all the ways I do this work. By talking about it, through client-centered work, writing about it, being in community with death workers to keep growing my knowledge. By thinking about the intersections of art and death, and creating in that space. I recently had a great conversation with Josie from Intersectional Fertility Podcast about deathwork, you can check it out here. Reach out for any death related engagements.
I soft-launched a new section of my website, called Divorce, that is getting further tweaked, and will get a proper official launch soon. A friend and I are starting a business helping people transition out of marriages, or other relationships, with a focus on holding people in their grief as well as actually helping people come up with divorce agreements or any type of agreement that people want (legal courts are not the only institutions we hold ourselves accountable to). It’s something I care very much about. If you or someone you love is divorce-curious reach out.
I also plan to host at least one group class this year, maybe two, for divorce-curious folks and/or people who work with divorcing people to be in community and learn together. In it, we will learn about a little slice of history around marriage, info around divorce, child custody, spousal support, issues around justice, power, and patriarchy, and why we don’t grieve enough through all of it. I will drop info about that soon. Stay tuned!
Throughout it all, I will be writing. I am steadily in the background writing things, pitching things to publications, trying to get paid, trying to talk to artists whose work I believe in, trying to do this as paid work as much as possible. Because my heart and brain has always been better when I ask questions, when I sit with it all, when I write it down. If you are a person who is looking for the kind of content I create, reach out. I have a thing or two for you.
Finally, this year I will also have a beautiful collection of kantha jackets dropping on my website shop where I sell vintage things from India. I am beyond excited about this. They will be perfect for promenading in your full lushness. I saw a sample today sent from Jaipur and it’s beautiful. I can’t wait to show you.
See you on the streets, in your power and infinite beauty.
Actually whatever you’re going to make, be unapologetic about it.
https://heald.nga.gov/mediawiki/index.php/Promenade#:~:text=It%20derived%20from%20the%20French,trees%2C%20shrubs%2C%20and%20grass.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/06/prom-language-history-of-the-word-from-promenade-to-hashtag-prahm.html
People of the Global Majority